Social Skills in Interpersonal Communication

Have you ever thought about why we communicate with others? The human inclination to interact with others has many reasons, and communicating with others meets many of a person's needs. A psychologist named Abraham Maslow (1968) referred to a hierarchy of needs. Maslow believes that before more abstract needs, a person's basic needs must first be satisfied. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is as follows. The most abstract The need for self-actualization The need for self-esteem The need to belong (being valued, recreation) The need for safety and protection The need for survival The most fundamental (air, food, sex) At all levels of this hierarchy, communication is one of the main and primary tools for meeting human needs, but a sixth need can also be added to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. On the threshold of the new century, we need to learn the way of life in a highly diverse society. To live and function effectively in such a diverse world, we are dependent on and reliant upon communication. It is through interaction with others that we can have different experiences and styles in life. Through interaction with one another, humans become aware of their differences and similarities, and in this way take steps on the path of perfection. Therefore, in a sense, it can be said that interpersonal communication is a way of satisfying the various kinds of human needs. We cannot not communicate. Whenever humans gather together, they communicate with one another. Even when we are silent, we are also communicating. Although others sometimes do not correctly grasp our meaning, they nonetheless react to our presence and our actions and words. Even when we have no intention of communicating, we still communicate. We may be unaware of our furrowed brows, which are a sign of disapproval, or the rolling of our eyes, which is a sign of indifference, but in any case we are communicating with the other person through these. Unconscious communication occurs mainly at the relational-meaning level. At this level we express our feelings about others subtly and often through nonverbal communication. Therefore, we are continually and inevitably communicating with others, whether we intend to communicate or not, whether others understand our meaning or not. Therefore, in establishing interpersonal communication, the role of social skills can come into play, which we will address later. Communication is irreversible It has surely happened to you too that, in the heat of an argument, you lost control of yourself and said something that you later regretted saying. You surely tried afterward to somehow fix the matter through an apology, an explanation, or a denial, but you could not succeed, because you cannot take back something you have said. Communication is an irreversible process. In this way, everything we say and do matters. In the course of interpersonal communication, various meanings are created. The importance of communication is not in words and nonverbal behaviors, but rather in the meaning that we create as a result of interpreting one another. In their interpersonal communication, humans continually interpret one another. Although they are usually not aware that they assign meaning to everything, they do so automatically. Metacommunication affects meanings. Metacommunication is communication about communication. For example, while talking with your friend, you may notice that they have stiffened their body and their tone has become sharp. On seeing this scene, you say to them, "It seems like you're upset." This remark of yours is a kind of metacommunication, because it relates to your friend's verbal and nonverbal behaviors. Metacommunication can be verbal or nonverbal. We can talk and speak about the words or nonverbal behaviors of others. Metacommunication can also be carried out with one another nonverbally. Nonverbal metacommunication often reinforces verbal communication; for example, you can nod your head while saying "I understand what you mean," or move away from the other person after saying the sentence "I don't want to see you anymore." Metacommunication plays an important role in establishing effective interpersonal interactions. When you become skilled at communicating about your own and others' messages and meanings, the likelihood of reaching a mutual understanding of matters with others increases. For example, sometimes teachers say, "The next point is really important." With this sentence they make students realize that they must pay attention. We also resort to metacommunication to find out whether the other person has understood our meaning or not, and we say, "Was my point clear?" "Do you understand why I feel this way?" "Does what I say make sense?" "Can you understand why I'm so confused?" With these questions you can find out whether the other person has understood your meaning or not. Likewise, with the help of metacommunication you can find out whether you have correctly understood others' meaning. For example, you can say: "I think you want to say you're worried, is that right?"; "As far as I understood, you want to say that you're stuck at this crossroads of whether to act according to your own wish or according to your parents' wish—is that what you wanted to say?"

But what is a social skill? Social skills refer to that set of skills that we use in our interpersonal interactions. Phillips (1978) believes: a person has social skill if they communicate with others in such a way that they can attain their rights, requirements, satisfaction, or the performance of their duties to a reasonable degree, without disregarding the rights, requirements, satisfaction, or duties of others, and at the same time can have an open and free exchange with others in these matters. Michelson (1982) refers to six main elements in social skills: 1/Social skills are normally learned; 2/They include a set of various and specific verbal and nonverbal behaviors; 3/They require volunteering and providing appropriate and effective responses; 4/They maximize others' social reinforcement; 5/They are interactive in nature and require appropriate timing and the reciprocal effect of certain behaviors; 6/They are influenced by environmental factors such as age, sex, and the status of the other person. Social behaviors are purposeful. We use these behaviors to obtain desired results, and therefore, unlike other behaviors that are accidental or unintentional, social skills have a purpose. For example, when person "A" wants to encourage person "B" to continue talking, they look at them, nod their head, and—without interrupting person "B's" remarks—use murmured sounds such as "uh-huh," "hmm," "I see." Skillful social behaviors are various behaviors that are used to attain a particular goal. In the previous example, person "A" intended to encourage person "B" to talk. Therefore, while person "B" is talking, they may smile at them, nod their head, look into their eyes, and use "murmured sounds," and these behaviors are related to one another. That is, a person is socially skilled if they can change their behaviors to suit the expectations of others. Social skills are learnable. For example, evidence shows that children who have not had a warm family environment have unacceptable social behavior. Learning when to use social behaviors is as important as the nature of these behaviors and how they are performed. Two factors play a fundamental role in social skills: 1/The verbal reinforcer 2/ The nonverbal reinforcer